Bad Trip
by JAJJAJ
Part 2

Back to Part 1

Chapter 10

Daniel's scream turned to a horrible keening and then was replaced by something even more terrible to Jack's ears: silence. Sudden, absolute silence. Oh, crap, crap, crap. He couldn't be too late! He pushed himself to run faster even as his chest was heaving from the effort. His knee sent shooting pains up his leg and he stumbled, but he righted himself and kept going.

In the early dawn light he could see that the trees were starting to thin, and he realized he was coming to a clearing. He slowed himself down and dropped behind some low brush at the edge, still gasping from his rush through the trees. He heard what sounded like chanting and raised his head to look cautiously through the leaves. Blood from a gash in his forehead dripped into his eye, and he wiped it away with his sleeve. He saw several very large people kneeling inside what looked like a circle of stones, and he realized with a shock that one of them was Teal'c, who seemed almost hunched over as if in pain. Shifting to get a better view, he saw other figures lying on the ground nearby; he couldn't tell if they were alive or dead. Just inside his view, he saw three men several yards away from Teal'c, also kneeling. But no Daniel. He raised his weapon slightly and risked sticking his head out farther to see what the chanters were staring at.

Oh, sweet Jesus. Daniel!

Daniel hung, feet dangling, from a post in the middle of the circle. His head jerked back and forth and the rest of his body jumped and danced as if at the end of a marionette's strings. Even in the dim light, Jack saw that his uniform was covered in blood.

Jack's body thrummed with the urge to go to his friend. And to kill the bastards responsible. He looked again at the gathered men and women. The three closest to Daniel had what looked like a sword and some kind of clubs. Even if Jack went in shooting, if one of them went after Teal'c or Daniel, he might not be fast enough to stop them. And who knew how many more people there might be hidden from view in the woods? Jack looked back at Teal'c, hoping for some sign that his friend was himself again, but no. He knew there was no way the Jaffa warrior would stand by and watch Daniel's torment if he were himself. The Teal'c he knew would rather die.

He was on his own.

"Makepeace?" he whispered into his radio.

"O'Neill? What's your situation?"

"I've found them. I've got to get to Daniel. I see five locals and Teal'c. I don't know if they'll try to stop me. I need your 20."

"Roger that, O'Neill. I can't be sure, but from the sound... From the sound before it stopped, I estimate that we're fifteen, twenty minutes out, maybe less. Wait for us."

Jack looked toward Daniel and saw his head jerk up and twist back again to the side. His eyes were empty and his bloodied mouth was open in a soundless scream. Fifteen minutes? "Negative, Robert. I'm going in. Tell Fraiser to be ready. Out."

Jack crouched down, cursing his bum knee, and worked his way quickly through the woods until he was as close to Daniel as he could get, maybe fifteen yards away, then stood up, weapon at the ready, and stepped out into the clearing.

He walked steadily toward Daniel from the side, ready to fire at the first hostile move, but no one even looked in his direction. Jack's hands shook with the urge to shoot anyway. The bastards were just kneeling there watching, watching... Jack clenched his jaw and kept walking. God, what was making him jerk like that? What had they done to him?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Teal'c straighten up and look at him. His eyes were cold and red-rimmed. His mouth turned down with a sneer, but he didn't move in Jack's direction, so Jack kept walking. He hoped to God that Teal'c didn't try to stop him.

Almost there. He could hear Daniel now. Not silent, as Jack had thought, but making hoarse, whimpering sounds as his body continued its macabre dance. There was blood everywhere, down the front of his ripped and soiled uniform, dripping from his mouth and nose and his bruised cheek, turning the rope around his wrists red.

One of the men with the clubs started to get up, as did the woman behind Teal'c, but in each case a hand of a comrade halted their progress. The two knelt again, and the chanting grew louder. Teal'c remained silent, but with a look that chilled Jack to the bone. "Please, Teal'c," he thought. "Don't try to stop me."

He reached Daniel's side. He didn't know how to help him without hurting him, but he had to get him down. Jack let his weapon hang, keeping a wary eye on the chanters, and reached for his pocket knife. When he opened the blade, the woman shouted out something that sounded like no and then, "Kree!" and more that he couldn't understand. At the "Kree" he looked again and noticed the tattoos for the first time. "Crap," he muttered. Was there a Goa'uld here after all?

He had to stretch to get to the ropes holding Daniel to the post. He reached up with one hand and tried to hold onto Daniel with the other to support him, but it was no good. He let go of Daniel and grabbed the rope and sawed through it. Daniel's arm dropped and he was hanging from one bloody wrist, and he gave a short high-pitched cry, but his body kept jerking and the pain of whatever was causing it consumed him again. Jack reached for the other arm, and he heard the woman yell something again. He looked, ready to go for his weapon, but neither she not the others rose to stop him. There eyes, however, were now filled with fear, and one of the men shuffled back as if ready to run.

Jack saw him and remembered the looks on the faces of the ones he'd seen fleeing through the woods. He wondered what horror they thought he was about to unleash but forced the thought down and focused on Daniel. This time he pushed his own body against Daniel's to try to keep him up as he cut through the second rope, and when the rope gave way he caught his friend and in a controlled fall they both hit the ground.

The chanting stopped abruptly, and Jack quickly disentangled himself from Daniel and raised his P-90, but the four men and the woman seemed frozen in place, and even Teal'c had a look of fear in his eyes. If Teal'c was afraid...

Jack turned back to Daniel, whose eyes looked unseeingly upward as he continued to convulse. Jack put his arms around his friend and as gently as he could turned him on his side to keep him from choking. More blood trickled from Daniel's mouth, and Jack hoped that didn't mean what he thought it did. He didn't know where to begin. It seemed that there was no part of Daniel's body that wasn't bruised, swollen and bloody, and the infernal jerking was getting worse.

Where the hell were Makepeace and Fraiser? Jack reached for his radio, but just then Daniel's body arched upward and a hoarse scream was wrenched from his throat. Dammit! Jack went to grab Daniel, to hold him, not knowing what else to do, when he felt something icy flow into his hands.

Shit, shit, what was that? Something gray and ghostlike was rising from Daniel's body and sending tendrils toward Jack, and he scrambled backwards. The shadow pulled out of Daniel, bringing another agonized scream with it and letting the battered body crash limply to the ground. "Daniel!" Jack cried. He started to move back toward his teammate, but the shadow split into dozens of smaller vibrating shapes that spun around the Air Force colonel in closer and closer circles. Already he could feel them eating at him, tearing at his insides, and he let out a yell and closed his eyes.

Then, just as suddenly, he felt something else, something... good, and the ice in his heart weakened and the shadows withdrew, releasing him. He heard someone shouting, something that sounded like the Church Latin from his childhood, "Dei boni de silban!" and he wondered briefly if he was dead. He opened his eyes and saw that pulsing lights had replaced the shadows, and he remembered the light in the forest that had led him here and the comforting touch before he awoke in the woods.

He sat up carefully, and the lights moved back and rose to the treetops. He blinked and shook his head. What the hell? What just happened? He felt dazed, as if he were trying to think through thick gauze.

A strangled, rattling sound brought him back to the present, and he looked down to see Daniel, still battered and bloody, with a look of panic in his eyes, trying to breath. Shit! Whatever it was had saved him but left Daniel? Jack jumped forward and leaned over his friend.

Daniel looked at Jack, pleading. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Jack watched in horror as his friend, still curled up on his side, lost his struggle to breath.

Teal'c felt his power return as he saw the dark shadows flee, taking their evil with them. He smiled, pleased with himself for his tactic of waiting and dismissing the fear that had so recently paralyzed him. Now the two Tau'ri lay before him, like sacrificial lambs.

He watched as O'Neill leaped up and bent over DanielJackson, then turned the limp body and began to try to breathe life into it. Teal'c frowned. It would be a pity if he were robbed of this chance to continue the torture of the weak Tau'ri scholar, and indeed, it did seem as if O'Neill's efforts would be in vain. He heard the gray-haired man pleading desperately as he performed CPR. "C'mon, Daniel, dammit. C'mon!" And then he would lean back in and start again. Tears welled in the man's eyes, and Teal'c was filled with disgust that he had ever followed this man, that these two and the female scientist had ever dared to consider themselves his equal. Teal'c let out a growl and started to rise. The man and woman, still behind him, tensed, but he ignored them. He might have been denied one victim, but he would take great pleasure in sending O'Neill to his death.

Before Teal'c could stand, however, O'Neill himself stood and looked toward the treetops, where the lights still hovered.

"Help him!" he shouted, tears streaming down his face. "You can help him! Please, you helped me, now help him!"

The voice echoed in Teal'c's head, and he remembered another time, another shouted plea. "I can save these people! Help me! Help me," O'Neill had proclaimed once. Teal'c felt a moment of confusion as strange thoughts and emotions churned in his mind and gut. Hadn't he believed the man that time? Hadn't he believed in him?

Teal'c shook his head, angry at himself for even entertaining such notions. He watched O'Neill standing there, looking up into the trees, and laughed harshly at the foolishness of the man to think that he could influence the actions of spirits such as those. O'Neill turned to look at him, his brown eyes filled with anger, and turned away again. Teal'c noticed, though, that he clutched his Earth weapon more tightly, and he laughed loudly again. The hasshak was right to fear him. "You will die now at my hand, O'Neill!" he yelled.

As O'Neill turned slowly toward him, Teal'c heard a gasp behind him, and another of the false Jaffa in before him cried out, but neither was in reaction to Teal'c's vow. They were looking up toward the lights. Teal'c reluctantly tore his eyes from his prey and looked upward as well. The lights were returning!

O'Neill must have seen something change in Teal'c's face, for he looked up also, then stepped back as if to give the strange spirits room. They swept down and surrounded DanielJackson, some seeming to sink into his skin, some remaining above him. Teal'c watched with fascination as DanielJackson took a sudden shuddering breath, then nothing, then one more breath, then nothing, then another until soon there was an even rise and fall of his chest. The man so recently dead let out a piteous moan and opened his eyes. "Jack?" he whispered.

Chapter 11

"Jack?" Daniel whispered. He remembered being caught in a hellish world of pain and terror, with something cold eating and ripping at him from the inside. He remembered screaming as something passed through his skin, and he remembered not being able to breath. He remembered Jack staring at him with panic in his eyes. He remembered... dying.

He moaned. Maybe dying was better. His lungs felt as if he'd breathed in fire, his guts as if he'd been repeatedly stabbed and then someone had twisted the knife. His arms and legs and even his fingers ached as if they'd been snapped above and below the joints. And there was something else, a tingling throughout his body, humming weirdly through the pain.

He blinked his eyes and thought he saw lights, like bundles of fluorescent green fireflies, swarming around him, on him... in him.

"Jack?" he whispered again, afraid. "S'happening?".

Jack's face appeared above him. "Easy, Daniel," he said. "Let them help you."

"Hurts."

A look of uncertainty flashed across Jack's face and then disappeared, replaced by a strained smile. "No, Daniel, they're trying to fix you, I think." His face faltered again, the concern showing through. "It's helping, right?"

Daniel let himself concentrate on the tingling and thought maybe Jack was right. He took a deeper breath, and the pain brought tears to his eyes, but maybe, just maybe, it was a little better? Maybe those things, those lights, were helping.

"Daniel?" Jack asked again, his face flickering in the pulsating lights.

"Yes... helping," Daniel said, although he wasn't sure it was true. Whatever was happening was speeding up, and it felt both sickening and wonderful. The warmth of the lights... beings?... had banished the cold. He could sense their need to help, as the pain ebbed and flowed, sometimes spiking and then settling to something almost bearable. But the feeling of his insides moving, knitting together, was nauseating and, if he let himself think about it, terrifying. Was this what happened in a sarcophagus? The tingling had become more intense, and it felt as if small insects crawled over his insides, stretching, pulling, sealing.

Then abruptly, it stopped. He had just noticed the warmth of sunlight on his face when the tingling ceased and he felt their presence leave him. "No!" he thought. "Not yet!" but the lights swirled around for a moment then flew off into the trees and disappeared. Daniel was left, still filled with pain, but otherwise strangely empty.

As Jack leaned over Daniel, watching the lights work, he was still shaking with relief that Daniel was even alive. That had been too damn close. He looked off into the woods, hoping to see some sign of Makepeace's people, but there was nothing. The chanters were now prostrate, mumbling something incoherent. Only Teal'c continued to watch, an unreadable look in his red eyes. Jack shifted a little to keep Teal'c in his view and stared back, an unspoken warning to the big Jaffa to stay where he was.

He squinted as the light of the early morning sun finally started to appear above the trees, and as he did, he sensed that something else had changed. The lights seemed agitated, and he could have sworn he felt them apologize. He shifted his eyes to Daniel and watched as they spun together, the ones inside rushing out of Daniel, and shot for the trees. Daniel jerked and then lay still, panting, a dazed look in his eyes.

He reached out to put his hand on Daniel's arm. "It's all right," he said. "Fraiser will..." Jack stopped talking and started to raise his weapon as the shape appeared above him, but he was too late. Teal'c, a feral grin on his face, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and yanked him over Daniel and tossed him to the ground, ripping the P-90 strap from Jack's neck as he did. Jack rolled and started to get up again, but Teal'c swung his foot hard, catching him under the ribs, doubling Jack over, then sent him sideways with a backhand to his face. Teal'c laughed, tossing the weapon behind him, and went to grab Jack again, but Jack swung his leg out this time, knocking the big man to the ground. Then they were both on their feet again, circling each other.

"Teal'c," Jack said, trying to reach his friend. "Junior is making you do this, buddy. Fight him!"

Teal'c's smile grew bigger and he laughed again. "Yes, plead for your life, Tau'ri dog," he sneered.

Jack winced, and continued to circle. He and Teal'c had sparred often, and he could count the times he'd come out ahead on one hand, and on none of those occasions had Teal'c really been trying to kill him. He tried not to favor his left side, but he was pretty sure Teal'c had at least bruised a rib with his kick. He didn't like his odds.

He glanced toward Daniel and saw that he had started to push himself up and was watching them anxiously. The other "Jaffa" had moved to the outside of the stone circle and were standing tensely, as if ready to run. They'd left behind the bloodied bodies of their friends.

Teal'c lunged and Jack dodged him, swinging around and bringing his arm down on Teal'c's back, but Teal'c anticipated his move and caught Jack's arm as it came down, twisting it until Jack heard and felt it crack. Jack shouted and his vision blurred, but he brought his knee up hard against Teal'c's abdomen, and Teal'c let go, falling to his knees. Jack dropped onto his back, then flipped and brought himself upright again, breathing heavily through the pain. Too late he saw the blood-streaked, glittering sword that lay within Teal'c's reach. He jumped back and fell as Teal'c swung, missing him by inches, and started to scramble backwards. Teal'c was raising the sword again when they both heard Daniel's shout: "Teal'c! No!"

Teal'c hesitated, and Jack wondered if Daniel had somehow broken through to him. Then Teal'c gave him a slow smile and spun around, taking three long strides in Daniel's direction. He looked back over his shoulder at Jack with clear intent in his eyes, then turned and held the sword high above his head in both his hands, shaft up and blade down, aiming straight for Daniel's heart. Daniel, who was still half-raised on his arms, fell backward, mouth open in shock, eyes wide.

There was no way Jack could get to him in time. He looking wildly around for a weapon, something, anything to stop Teal'c from killing their friend, but there was nothing. He saw the sword coming down, as if in slow motion and heard the scream wrenched from his lungs, long, harsh, unending: "Nooooo!"

Suddenly, from the opposite direction, a bolt of energy shot out, striking Teal'c and knocking him back. Teal'c stumbled, but didn't go down. He took a shaky step back toward Daniel, but Jack was there. Grabbing his P-90 from where it had landed, he swung the barrel hard, connecting with Teal'c's head, and Teal'c went down, only inches from Daniel, and lay still.

Jack swayed and dropped to his knees. He looked toward the woods and saw the orange-suited rescue teams emerging from the forest, zats and P-90s at the ready. "It's about damn time," he mumbled, too tired to even reach for his radio.

He looked down at his teammates and saw Daniel, pain, confusion and worry in his blue eyes, reach out to gently touch Teal'c, the way one would a small child. Jack felt tears sting his eyes, but blinked them back and rose painfully to his feet as Makepeace and the others, finally, drew near.

Chapter 12

The rescue teams, still clad in their cumbersome orange suits, emerged slowly from the dark woods into the bright morning sunlight. In the gentle breeze, the flowers blew in colorful, shimmering waves, stretching past the ruins of the city to the distant Stargate and beyond. Janet was struck by the planet's beauty. It was hard to believe that such a lovely place could hide such horrors, but the state of her patients was enough evidence for her, even if she hadn't seen Sam's drugged state, heard Daniel's endless screams and seen with her own eyes Teal'c ready to kill the man he called a friend.

Two med techs and two of Major Everham's team carried the still-unconscious Teal'c on a stretcher. Janet had taken the precaution of sedating him despite his head injury, but Colonel Makepeace had insisted that he also be placed in restraints, and Colonel O'Neill had tiredly nodded his head in agreement.

Daniel walked behind the stretcher with the gait of an old man. His face was still livid with swelling and black and blue marks, and the bandages on his wrists and wrapped around him under the open shirt someone had pulled from a pack for him showed red where the blood had seeped through. Jack, his arm in a temporary cast, bandages stretched around his ribs and his head, limped slowly at his side, glancing frequently from Daniel to Teal'c and back again, as if not willing to let either man out of his sight. From time to time Jack, wincing from his own pain, reached out to take Daniel by the arm and steer him back in the right direction. Daniel did not even seem to notice, the blank look in his eyes not changing.

How either man was staying upright at this point, Janet was not sure. She and Lieutenant Roman, her best nurse, walked behind the two, ready to catch either man if he faltered. None of SG-1 were in Hazmat suits, since it seemed an obvious case of closing the barn door after the horse had escaped, but Janet watched Jack and Daniel warily, looking for any obvious signs that they were still affected by the hallucinogen.

Both men had refused stretchers, and Janet had reluctantly agreed. She knew, without Colonel Makepeace having to point it out, that with eight people encumbered by stretchers, they would not be able to defend themselves if the locals decided to make an appearance. The people at the site of the ritual had fled upon seeing the rescue teams, whether out of fear of their numbers, their weapons or the alien-looking Hazmat suits she didn't know. The rescue party had all sensed from time to time on their three-hour journey through the woods that they were being watched, but whoever or whatever it was stayed hidden.

As the slow procession started to move past the ruins of the temple, Daniel stopped abruptly, showing some life in his eyes for the first time in hours, and stared toward a tall wall filled with writings. Janet was close enough behind the injured archeologist that she almost walked into his back. "Daniel?" she queried.

Jack, who had taken a few extra steps, looked back at his teammate, then followed his eyes to the wall. He shook his head slightly and said, calmly, "Not now, Daniel."

Daniel looked at Jack, then turned and started walking unsteadily toward the wall. "Just a second, Jack," he said, his voice barely more than a croak. "There's something I have to do."

Lieutenant Spinner thought he understood what Daniel meant and said, "It's O.K., Dr. Jackson, we got your equipment.

Daniel nodded absently in his direction but kept walking.

Janet, who wasn't happy with how long it was taking them to get back to the Gate in the first place, decided she needed to put a stop to whatever he thought he was doing. "Daniel! We have to get you back to the SGC, you, Teal'c and the colonel. You all need treatment!"

"I'm sorry, Janet," Daniel said. "This will only take a minute. I need to do this."

Janet started to respond, when Jack put his hand on her arm and shook his head. She heard Colonel Makepeace sigh in exasperation. Janet understood his annoyance. They were all hot and tired in the suits and too close to the forest for comfort. The team they'd come to rescue was battered and bloody, and no one knew when they might be attacked by the people who lived here or the strange beings Colonel O'Neill had spoken of. Although Daniel seemed to be doing remarkably well, she knew everyone on the rescue teams was still haunted by the sounds of his torture. They couldn't be rid of this planet fast enough.

"O'Neill..." Makepeace started to say, but Jack held up his hand.

"Daniel says we wait, we wait," he said.

So they all watched as Daniel stood before the wall and ran his hands over the etched Latin words. He stared at the writings for a moment, then turned toward the woods and, slowly and awkwardly, got down onto his knees and began speaking what sounded like the words to a prayer.

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Makepeace almost growled. "Jackson, that's enough!"

"Wait, Makepeace," Jack said quietly. "He's right. He has to do this."

The Marine colonel looked at his Air Force counterpart with what Janet imagined was astonishment, although it was hard to tell through the mask, then shook his head with obvious disgust. But he stopped talking and waited with the rest of them.

Janet looked at Jack and asked the question on all their minds. "Why, Colonel? What is he doing?"

"Giving thanks," he said.

Janet waited for more of an explanation, but none was forthcoming. As she watched Daniel push himself painfully to his feet and start back toward them, she wondered again just what the three men had experienced during their long night trapped in the woods. She supposed she would find out soon enough. Right now she needed to focus on getting them home.

The soldiers started to get back in formation at Makepeace's command, and Janet sighed in relief.

"All right, Artis and Nessman," she said. "You both still O.K. on the stretcher?" At their nods, she turned to Lydia—Lieutenant Roman—who had been checking on Teal'c, and asked, "Any change?"

"No, ma'am," she responded, "He's still out. Vitals are strong, though, and his head wound seems to be healing already."

Janet nodded. At least Teal'c's symbiote, however else it had been affected, was still able to heal him. She looked up as Daniel came to stand alongside Colonel O'Neill behind the stretcher. She saw them exchange a long look and barely discernible nods before they started forward, this time Jack stumbling and Daniel reaching out painfully to steady him.

Janet and Lieutenant Roman took up their positions behind the two limping men as they began moving forward. She wasn't sure how they were moving at all, and for a moment she allowed herself to feel her own exhaustion. It had been a long, terrible night and they still had a long walk to the Gate. And even then she knew she wouldn't rest until she was sure that Sam and the three men in front of her were going to be all right.

"One step at a time, Janet," she told herself, never before having meant those words so literally. "One step at a time."

Chapter 13

Daniel was weary. He felt it in his bones, in the heaviness of his eyelids and the sluggishness of his thoughts. When he moved his limbs, they felt rusty, as if he'd been dismantled and put back together again, which, he supposed, was pretty much what had happened to him.

And then there was that void, like a Santa Ana wind blowing through his soul, that he'd felt since those... lights... had left his body.

Daniel sighed. Thanks to the Tok'ra healing device, at least there wasn't too much pain. Jacob and Selmak had been waiting with Sam when they had finally stumbled back through the Gate, and a few hours later they'd done their Tok'ra magic on Jack's and Daniel's wounds. Jack made a complete recovery, his broken arm and cuts and bruises like new. Daniel's sword wounds, wrists and various other "surface" injuries from his ordeal had been healed as well, but still, he hurt, inside, a dull ache all over.

X-rays and an MRI had found newly repaired fractures in his rib and his pelvis and new scar tissue on his lungs, throat, stomach and kidneys. Those internal injuries—although apparently "repaired" on the planet—were the ones that were causing him pain. Maybe it was because the lights were forced to leave too soon, or maybe their healing powers didn't work the way Goa'uld and Tok'ra technology did; Janet didn't speculate. She simply reminded him that if he had just gone through major surgery on Earth, the pain would have been much more severe. She'd given him some meds and ordered him to get some sleep—and not to leave the base.

So here he was some twelve hours later, sitting on the bed in one of the VIP rooms and willing himself to stand up and get dressed. His "sleep" had been anything but restful. Every time he'd closed his eyes, he'd relived one nightmare event or another: the foul smelling cloth over his head as he was dragged through the woods, the old man about to slice through him with the sword, Teal'c killing with glee and about to murder Jack.

And the shadows.

Daniel shivered, trying to push that memory from his mind once again.

He eyed the clean BDUs someone had left draped over the chair across the room, and stood up slowly, like an old man. The debriefing was scheduled for 0900, just a few hours from now, and Daniel needed to gather his thoughts about the strange hybrid culture of the planet and about just what those shadows and lights might have been. For the latter question, Daniel hadn't come up with anything better than "angry and benevolent forest gods," and he wasn't sure it made a difference. They wouldn't go back.

Daniel didn't have much to add about the effects of the flower drug, the shaloshna, as the Tok'ra apparently called it, except that it had obviously driven those people's ancestors into the woods, possibly away from crazed Jaffa. In fact, the theory Daniel had been mulling over, even while imprisoned in the shack, was that the people who lived there now were the descendants of both the humans and the Jaffa who had originally inhabited the planet. Sam had mentioned Jolinar's memories of Jaffa rampaging and raping, and he supposed some children were born as a result. Still, he doubted they were all descended from those children. The reverence with which they held their Jaffa ancestors was evident in the false tattoos, and it was unlikely that the language would have developed as it had if the humans had not lived and worked closely with the Jaffa instead of just fleeing from them into the woods. Daniel supposed that after a "time of the flowering," the resident Goa'uld had abandoned the planet leaving his Jaffa behind. Those left to fend for themselves may have adapted to life on the planet without their "god" and made a life in the forest, away from the dangers of the flowers... Maybe.

Or maybe not. Why Goa'uld and not Chulakian or some other Jaffa dialect? Were the Jaffa from different planets and communicated in Goa'uld as a common language? And he still had to figure out a timeline. The transplanted Romans had to have had hundreds of years to develop their city and culture, and the image he and Jack had found of the red-eyed monster (Daniel winced at his own description and gave a silent apology to Teal'c) likely dated from the later part of their civilization.

A knock at the door startled Daniel, and he looked down to see that he was only half dressed, his T-shirt on but only one leg in his pants. The clock showed that he'd been standing that way for almost a half hour. Daniel hopped on one leg to pull his pants on, forgetting, in his hurry, that his body wasn't quite working the way it should, and fell in a heap on the floor. He closed his eyes and waited for it as he untwisted his legs and slipped his pants on the rest of the way.

Sure enough, Jack's voice sounded on the other side of the door. "Daniel?" he asked. "You O.K. in there?"

Daniel knew that Jack and Sam had divided up babysitting duty. Jack had him, and Sam, who was carrying her own load of guilt, had Teal'c. Teal'c, with some help from an antipsychotic administered by Janet, had finally shaken off the last effects of the drug some six hours after they had returned through the Gate. But he was left with the memories of what he had done, to his teammates and to the people of the planet, and he understandably was having a difficult time coming to terms with what had happened. It didn't help that General Hammond had insisted that a guard be posted outside his door when he was released from the infirmary. Teal'c had simply nodded, but Daniel could see the pain and shame in his eyes.

"Daniel?" Jacks voice came again, beginning to sound alarmed.

"Just a second, Jack," Daniel said, continuing his imitation of a 100-year-old man as he pushed himself slowly to his feet. Weariness descended on him again as he walked to open the door, but he forced a smile to his face. He doubted Jack would be fooled, but it was worth a try. After all, Jack had his own nightmares to worry about. He didn't need Daniel's too.

Daniel swung open the door to find his teammate holding out a mug of steaming coffee, and he felt his fake smile become a genuine one. Jack looked Daniel up and down with a slight frown but refrained from saying what was on his mind as he handed Daniel the mug.

C'mon, Daniel," he said. "Get something on your feet and come to breakfast."

Daniel took one long sip of the strong coffee, savoring the warmth of the rich brew, before he nodded and turned back to get his boots.

Sam walked around the corner to Teal'c's room and was startled to find a guard outside his door. "Airman?" she asked. "Do you have a reason to be here?"

The airman—Henderson according to his uniform—saluted. "Yes, ma'am. General Hammond's orders, ma'am."

Sam winced. "Oh, Teal'c," she thought, knowing how that lack of trust must be affecting him. Still, she understood the general's motivation; when she'd left the infirmary the night before, Janet had said there was no sign of the shaloshna in Teal'c's system, but none of them really understood the effects of the alien drug on Jaffa physiology, and what they had seen had been frightening. Sam just hoped that the other Tok'ra her father had sent for, Diohnet, would arrive soon with information to lay the general's concerns to rest for good.

She mumbled "at ease" to the airman and knocked on Teal'c's door. There was no answer, so she knocked again. "Teal'c? It's Sam."

Again there was no answer, and Sam was deciding whether to stay or go when the door opened and Teal'c stood before her. "MajorCarter," he said, with the same gentleness in his voice with which he always spoke her name, but then he said no more. He stood waiting, patient as always, but there was a look in his eyes she hadn't seen before. He was exhausted, but there was something more: He looked defeated.

Sam saw the candles burning behind him and apologized. "I'm sorry, Teal'c. Am I interrupting your Kel'no'reem?"

Teal'c hesitated then said, "I have not been able to reach a satisfactory state of Kel'no'reem. It is most... unsettling."

"I'm sorry," Sam said again. "Can I help?"

"I do not believe so, MajorCarter, but I thank you for your offer."

Sam nodded, at a loss, then said, "The colonel and I were hoping you and Daniel could join us for breakfast before the debriefing. Maybe a change of scene will help?"

Teal'c turned his head and his eyes settled briefly on the airman at his door. His eyes flicked back to Sam. "Thank you, MajorCarter," he said, "but I prefer to stay here for the time being."

"O.K., Teal'c," Sam sighed. "Can I bring you something?"

"No, thank you."

As Teal'c started to close the door and turn away, Sam found herself blurting out, "I'm sorry, Teal'c. If I had warned you earlier or dialed Earth when I got back to the Gate..."

Teal'c turned back toward her and said firmly, "You are not responsible for what transpired, MajorCarter..."

This time it was Sam's turn to interrupt: "You are not responsible, either, Teal'c! None of us could have anticipated what would happen on that planet or what the shaloshna would do!"

"Perhaps," Teal'c said, but his eyes told another story. "I will see you at the debriefing at 0900, MajorCarter.

Sam nodded as Teal'c closed the door. She walked back around the corner out of sight of Airman Henderson, and, seeing that the corridor was clear, leaned heavily against the wall. She felt like crying for Teal'c and for Daniel and for the colonel and the horrors they suffered while she was obliviously watching the damn sunset, but of course she didn't. Air Force majors don't cry. They get the job done.

Sam pushed herself off the wall and headed toward the commissary to find her other teammates. They'd figure a way to get Teal'c through this, the way the team helped her after Jolinar, the way they always helped each other. Teal'c would be O.K. They all would.

Wouldn't they?

Chapter 14

Teal'c opened his eyes and unfolded his legs. It was time to depart for the briefing room. He blew out the candles and stood up. He had hoped to enter a state of Kel'no'reem for at least a short while to prepare for what would be a difficult meeting, but he had continued to be unsuccessful. He took several deep breaths and made sure that his face betrayed none of the emotion he was feeling. It would not do to show the guard, who was merely following orders, that he was disturbed by his presence. Over the years he had worked hard to show the Tau'ri that he was worthy of their trust, and he had felt that he had succeeded, at least in the eyes of General Hammond and his teammates. Perhaps he had been wrong. Or perhaps they were right now not to trust him.

His thoughts went unwillingly to his actions on the planet, actions that he would have to explain in mere minutes. He heard again the snap of O'Neill's arm as he twisted it back and he remembered raising the already bloody sword above DanielJackson's injured form.

Teal'c reached out his hand to steady himself on the wall and again schooled his features, attempting to wipe the visions from his mind as he had so many others in his days as First Prime. It was difficult, made more so by the exhaustion he felt having failed in his meditation, but after a moment he was ready.

He opened the door to the room that had been his home since he had pledged his loyalty to the SGC and was startled to see his three teammates waiting outside and no guard in sight.

"Ready, Teal'c? Debriefing's in five," O'Neill stated unnecessarily. "Sorry we missed you at breakfast." DanielJackson, who did not look well, gave a small smile and nodded in agreement. MajorCarter smiled also and shrugged a little.

Teal'c looked down the corridor and back at O'Neill. "Should I not wait for the guard?" he asked.

"No," O'Neill responded. "I told him to take a hike."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Was that not countermanding General Hammond's orders?"

MajorCarter looked at O'Neill as if interested in his answer as well.

He glared at her and then looked back to Teal'c and said, "No. I'm following orders. The general wanted you to have a guard, you have a guard. You know, former black ops, Air Force colonel, lots of combat training... What? I can be a guard."

MajorCarter smiled. Teal'c nodded gravely and stepped forward. He suspected that General Hammond would not agree with O'Neill's assessment, but he was grateful for this sign of trust on the part of his teammates, two of whom had reason to fear him. "Then we should proceed," he said.

MajorCarter and O'Neill turned with him toward the elevators. DanielJackson, however, remained leaning against the wall, his arms hugged around his body, his eyes staring vacantly ahead.

"Daniel," O'Neill prompted, and when Daniel didn't move: "Earth to Dr. Jackson."

Teal'c watched as O'Neill's eyes narrowed in concern. "Daniel?" he said again, and reached out to touch his teammate's shoulder.

DanielJackson jumped, and he looked around quickly as if confused about where he was. His eyes focused then, and he smiled a little. "What? Oh, sorry. Sorry. I guess I was just lost in thought for a minute... Sorry, Teal'c."

Teal'c was uncertain why the young archeologist found it necessary to apologize to him, but nodded anyway.

O'Neill sighed, as if in exasperation, although none of them believed he was really annoyed. "O.K.?" O'Neill said. "Everyone with me? Briefing room? A little meeting with General Hammond?"

The four started walking down the corridor. MajorCarter walked next to DanielJackson, glancing at him repeatedly and looking as if she wanted to put her hand on his shoulder to steady him. Teal'c realized that O'Neill was staying close to his side as well, glancing at him repeatedly and looking for all the world as if he too wanted to put his hand on Teal'c's shoulder. He deduced that O'Neill and MajorCarter were on what DanielJackson referred to as babysitting duty, and for just a moment he allowed himself to ignore his terrible guilt and doubt and simply enjoy the warmth of their friendship.

"Dr. Jackson, you have described what the healing process of the lights felt like," said the Tok'ra, Diohnet, in the dual tones of the symbiote, "but you did not tell us any details of what the beings you described as "shadows" did when they were inside you. We may find this information helpful if we are to determine what these beings are and if they may have any strategic value in our fight against the Goa'uld."

"Oh, for crying out loud," Jack sputtered. "You can't expect him to..."

"Colonel," General Hammond interrupted. "Dr. Jackson, do you feel able to answer Diohnet's question?"

"General," Jack began again, "I've told you what I saw and what I felt when I touched those things. What's the point of..."

"The point," Diohnet spoke again, "is that there may be some information Dr. Jackson holds that may link these beings to ones we have encountered before. We do not wish to cause him discomfort, but if it will aid us..."

"Oh, here we go again. Aid you, right? Do you ever have any other motive..." Jack continued.

"Jack." "Colonel."

Jacob Carter and General Hammond spoke at the same time, stopping Jack mid-tirade.

"Dr. Jackson?" the general asked, politely, waiting for his answer.

Teal'c, who had watched the debate silently, turned to look toward Daniel, as did the others around the table. Daniel had been uncharacteristically quiet during the discussion, looking down at the table for most of it. It was obvious that telling his version of the events had drained the young man, who had taken pains, as always, to downplay his suffering. He'd spoken softly, hesitating occasionally before rushing through a particularly difficult portion of his story, and had finished with obvious relief with the appearance of the rescue teams.

Now Daniel looked up at the general and then at Jack and then back down at the table. He did not look at Diohnet as he started to speak.

"Um, how did it feel?" he asked, and although the he spoke softly still, Teal'c recognized the sharp, slightly sarcastic tone Daniel would get when he was angry. "Is that what you'd like to know? Well, let's see. When I was tied up on the floor of that shack, one of the men referred to it as being 'torn asunder.' I think that's pretty accurate."

Jack and Sam both winced, and Sam moved to put her hand on Daniel's shoulder once more, but he shook his head and she stopped, hand in midair, before she lowered it to the table.

"I was tied to the post," he went on, "you know, just hanging there bleeding and watching Teal'c..." Daniel hesitated and looked at Teal'c before his eyes turned back to the tabletop. "...watching Teal'c... fight... the fake Jaffa, when I saw the shadows in the sky. Before they were even near me, it felt as if ice had gripped my chest, and then I felt... evil." Daniel looked at the Tok'ra as if daring him to say something. Teal'c had sensed the same evil, had recognized a kindred spirit, or at least his symbiote had, but one darker and far more powerful, and he too glared at Diohnet, who had looked as if he were indeed about to interrupt.

"That's the only way I can describe it. It was evil," Daniel continued. "Then I felt the shadows touch my skin and seep into my body, all over my body, as if they were being sucked into me, and they didn't feel vaporlike but more, God, I don't know how to describe it, more gelatinous, really, like jellyfish seeping through my skin, and at first I only felt the cold and evil but then, but then..."

Daniel, who'd been speaking more and more quickly, stopped suddenly and drew in a shaky breath. His hands were clutching the edge of the table tightly, and he opened them slowly and placed them back in his lap.

"Dr. Jackson?" General Hammond queried kindly. "Do you..."

Daniel shook his head and continued softly, so softly they almost couldn't hear him. "Then the pain started. It felt like burning at first, even with the cold, then ripping, then as if, as if my cells were bursting, and the feeling went deeper and deeper as the shadows sank into me, burning, ripping, stabbing, bursting... And it went on, and on..."

Daniel stopped, and there was dead silence in the room.

Teal'c looked at Jack and was certain he too was remembering Daniel's screams and the jerking of his body on the post as the shadows fed on him. Jack met his eyes for a second, and they shared an understanding of the horror before another look entered Jack's eyes and he quickly turned away. Teal'c knew his friend was remembering how he had watched DanielJackson's suffering and had... enjoyed it.

Teal'c felt an unaccustomed waive of nausea assault him as he relived those moments. How was it possible that he...

Hammond was speaking, and Teal'c forced himself to listen to the man's words.

"Thank you, Dr. Jackson. I know that was difficult for you." The usually composed man's voice faltered a bit, the only evidence of his distress at hearing the details of Daniel's torture. He cleared his throat. "Diohnet, does that answer your questions?"

The Tok'ra had the grace to sound somewhat ashamed. "Yes, General. And we too thank you, Dr. Jackson. We believe your information may prove most useful."

Daniel continued to stare at the table and did not respond.

General Hammond waited a beat, and then cleared his throat. "All right, everyone, let's move on."

He turned to Teal'c, who had yet to say a word in the debriefing. "Teal'c," he began, "as you know, Jacob asked Diohnet to be here to help us evaluate the events on PX3-8421. He has studied the testimony of Jolinar and another Tok'ra on their experiences centuries ago on the planet and is as close to an expert the Tok'ra have on the effects of the shaloshna, or the alien drug you encountered. He would like to hear your statement before he draws any conclusions, but from our initial conversations, it would seem that once the drug is out of your system, there is no danger of a recurrence of the symptoms. He further suggests that any actions you took while under the influence of the shaloshna were beyond your control.

"Teal'c, I would like to apologize if you feel betrayed by my unwillingness to immediately accept that you had fully recovered from the effects of the shaloshna. It is sometimes a difficult job to balance the needs of the base with my loyalty to and the needs of the individual members of my command, and I felt, I still feel, that I made the only decision possible given the circumstances... Ah, Colonel," General Hammond raised his hand, palm out, toward Jack before he could interrupt, "you have already made your objections quite clear. Please allow me to finish."

The general turned back toward Teal'c. "As I was about to say, if, after you have given your version of the mission, it is still the consensus that you are free of the drug and that you are not responsible for the acts of violence committed on this mission, then I will with pleasure recommend that no charges be brought and that you be reinstated to full status as a member of SG-1."

Teal'c hesitated. He looked around the table at his teammates and the two Tok'ra and back to the general. He thought of his actions on the planet and was uncertain whether his statement would indeed result in the return of the general's trust and a reinstatement to SG-1, but he simply said, "I understand, General Hammond. There is no need to apologize." And then he began to speak.

Daniel listened to Teal'c's statement with his eyes down. He didn't want to see Jack and Sam continue to glance at him with worried expressions on their faces, and he didn't want to meet Teal'c's eyes as he spoke. He could see that Teal'c was searching for something in his face—forgiveness? understanding? he wasn't sure—and he didn't think he had the strength yet to keep the memories of Teal'c's bloodlust from showing in his eyes.

Jack had already told them that Teal'c had attacked him at the temple, so Daniel was prepared to hear that, but he hadn't known about the woman at the shack, hadn't realized that there was at least one victim who had not attacked Teal'c before she was murdered. He hadn't known that Teal'c had been ready and willing to rape her first. He could hear the undertone of pain in Teal'c's voice as he told the story and mourned the terrible guilt those actions must be causing his friend even as he mourned the death of another innocent.

As Teal'c moved on to the events in the clearing, Daniel closed his eyes. He was still shaken from having to tell the story himself, and he didn't want to have to relive it yet again. And he really didn't want to know what Teal'c was thinking as he killed the old man, as he hurt Jack, as stood over Daniel smiling, ready to run him through.

Teal'c told the story in a monotone, leaving nothing out except... except what he was feeling, Daniel realized with some relief. The old man ran at him with the sword. Teal'c disarmed him and killed him. Another man came at him with a club... He saw the shadows enter Daniel and did nothing as Daniel screamed and convulsed... He attempted to kill Jack and then turned on Daniel instead...

Teal'c told, finally, of being hit by the zat and getting hit from behind in the head. "And that is all I knew until I awoke in restraints at the SGC," he said, and was silent.

Daniel did look up then. Maybe, he thought, this endless debriefing could be over. He looked toward General Hammond, who was staring down at his notes in consternation. The general raised his eyes to Teal'c and said, "I'm sorry, Teal'c, we need to know more. We need to know what drove you to act the way you did. We need to know if you felt you had control of your actions. Are you able to tell us how you felt?"

"General..." Jack began, but stopped himself before Hammond said anything.

This time it was Teal'c's turn to stare at the table. When he looked up, Daniel was struck by the despair in the Jaffa's eyes. Daniel looked toward Jack hoping he had a way to save their friend from having to bare his soul this way, but Jack just gave a brief, helpless shake of his head and looked down at the table himself.

Teal'c looked directly at the general then, avoiding the others around the table.

"As I ran toward the temple to aid O'Neill and DanielJackson," he began, "I started to feel a deep anger, first at the Goa'uld and then at Colonel O'Neill, for allowing DanielJackson to be taken. By the time I arrived at the temple, I was feeling rage at both O'Neill and DanielJackson. I think I briefly questioned my rage, but I felt my symbiote squirm, and I believe... I believe the symbiote spoke to me, or raged at me, and I again forgot my friendship for my teammates.

"I arrived at the temple and, as I have stated, attacked O'Neill and left in search of DanielJackson. After some time I heard MajorCarter radio to tell me that I was in danger of being controlled by my symbiote, but I rejected her words as the drivel of an inferior being and smashed the radio. I imagined what I would do to her when..."

Teal'c stopped. He closed his eyes in an obvious attempt to compose himself. Daniel heard Sam's sharp intake of breath and felt her straighten up next to him. Teal'c opened his eyes again and continued looking only at General Hammond.

"I imagined doing great harm to MajorCarter, but continued on my way to find DanielJackson."

"Teal'c," Diohnet said, "please forgive my interruption. Could you tell us, at this point were you hearing your symbiote's thoughts? Was it forcing your actions?"

Teal'c turned toward the Tok'ra. "I believe now that I could only hear my symbiote's thoughts when I had doubts about my actions, when I remembered my... bond with my teammates. Then it would rail at me that we were superior beings and that the Tau'ri were fit only for torture and death. By the time I killed the woman at the shack, I could not tell my thoughts from the symbiote's. It was as if..."

Teal'c paused, struggling with what he was about to say. "It was as if the symbiote and I were one being."

Teal'c turned back toward General Hammond. "You wish to know how I felt. I felt great hatred and arrogance. And I felt joy and pleasure from violence and the pain of others. I laughed to see DanielJackson's torment and to hear his screams, even as I felt great fear—a cowardice I have never before experienced—of the shadows that attacked him. When I killed the old man, I only wanted to kill more. When I injured O'Neill, I hoped to break more of his bones and I anticipated with even greater pleasure the pain he would feel if I murdered DanielJackson.

"I believe I felt all that a Goa'uld feels. I was a repulsive creature who deserved to have the life crushed from it. I am ashamed that I succumbed to such evil."

Teal'c stopped and looked around the table at the shocked and horrified expressions. "And I will say no more on this subject," he said, standing up. "General Hammond, if you will please call another guard, I must return to my quarters and attempt Kel'no'reem."

General Hammond stared at Teal'c for a moment and then said, "A guard will not be necessary, Teal'c. You are free to return to your quarters."

Teal'c nodded at the general, turned and left the room. Jack started to rise as well, looking toward his commanding officer. At the general's nod, Jack followed Teal'c from the room.

General Hammond sighed before he said, "I think that's enough for today, people. I know this has been difficult for all of us. We'll reconvene tomorrow at the same time to discuss what, if any, strategic value PX3-8421 might have and Colonel O'Neill's suggestion that the coordinates be permanently removed from the dialing computer. Jacob, Diohnet, I would appreciate your impressions as well, if you are able to stay."

At the affirmative answers from the two Tok'ra, the general stood rather abruptly and headed for his office. Before he could leave, Sam cleared her throat and said, "General?"

Hammond turned toward her. "Yes, Major?"

"About Teal'c?"

The general relaxed his pose slightly and smiled a little at the young officer's concern for her teammate.

"I'll have a decision by this time tomorrow, Major. I think it will be all right."

Sam smiled in relief. "Thank you, General."

She looked down at Daniel next to her, expecting to see his smile as well, but Daniel was slouched in his chair, staring ahead, a bleak look in his eyes. She doubted he'd even heard the general's comment.

"C'mon, Daniel," she said, touching his arm gently. "Let's get you out of here."

Daniel looked up at her, then nodded tiredly. Sam grasped his arm to help him to his feet, and they followed the two Tok'ra from the room.

Chapter 15

SG-1, Jacob, Diohnet and General Hammond reconvened as planned the next day. Sam looked around at her teammates and was not happy with what she saw. Colonel O'Neill had a flat look on his face that she knew hid too much feeling. Daniel, who was again staring off into space, looked as tired as she'd ever seen him, and he still moved stiffly and slowly, as if each motion caused him pain. He'd barely spoken a word to anyone since the day before.

And Teal'c—he looked almost gray with exhaustion, and his eyes seemed to turn inward as he did battle with his own emotions. It was more than disconcerting to see the normally stoic Jaffa, the member of the team she'd come to think of as her rock—always strong, always wise—look so distressed.

"So again, Teal'c," General Hammond was saying, "I am sorry if you felt my actions indicated a lack of faith in you, and I am very happy to reinstate you to full status as a member of SG-1. As Diohnet and Dr. Fraiser are entirely convinced that you were acting under the influence of an alien drug that is now completely gone from your system, there will be no charges and no further investigation. Diohnet has offered to stay after this meeting and answer any further questions you may have about the effects of the shaloshna."

Teal'c merely nodded, and Sam felt the need to cover his almost nonreaction. "That is good news, sir," she said, and the colonel added, also to fill the silence, "Yes, thank you, General," and looked pointedly at Teal'c. Teal'c, to Sam's surprise, managed to school his expression and without prelude responded graciously, albeit belatedly, to the general's announcement.

"Thank you, General Hammond. I understand your caution and am gratified by the restoration of your trust," he said.

General Hammond seemed satisfied with this and turned his attention to the preliminary reports he'd received from SG-1, SG-3 and SG-7 concerning the disastrous mission.

"Very well, let's move on," he said. "Now, given the evidence of large naquadah deposits on PX3-8421, according to Major Carter's survey, we are here to discuss today the likelihood or necessity of negotiating with the indigenous people of the planet for rights to mine the naquadah and to weigh the value of those naquadah deposits against the obvious dangers to any mining and survey teams."

Jack made what sounded like a strangling sound across the table and looked at the general as if he'd just suggested they jump into an active volcano. "General?" he queried.

Daniel looked up for the first time at the tone in the colonel's voice. It was obvious to Sam that he had no idea what they were discussing.

"Colonel," General Hammond said, "I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that the President is most interested in the possibility of weapons-grade naquadah on the planet. I realize you are of the opinion that we should not go back, and that may indeed be the recommendation I return with, but it is absolutely necessary that we weigh all our options first."

It was Daniel's turn to react now. He seemed stunned. "You want to send other teams to that planet?" he asked incredulously. "Surely we'll find other sources of naquadah..."

"I agree with Daniel, sir," Colonel O'Neill said. "The risk to any teams staying on that planet long enough to mine is too great."

Hammond turned to Sam. "Thoughts, Major Carter?"

Sam looked down at the table and then back up at the colonel. She'd been dreading this moment.

"Carter?" the colonel asked.

"Well, sirs," she said, addressing both the general and Colonel O'Neill but looking directly at her team leader, "my preliminary data show there may be a very large amount of naquadah on the planet, so I think we need to look at this more systematically before we decide mining the planet is impossible."

"For crying out loud, Carter," Jack burst out, "even the Goa'uld thought it was too dangerous..."

"Colonel, please allow the major to finish," Hammond interrupted.

Jack, who'd been leaning forward, sat back. "Yes, sir," he mumbled.

"As far as I can tell," Sam continued, trying to ignore the narrow-eyed look Jack was giving her, "there are large veins of naquadah located in the fields directly around the Stargate. The main and obvious difficulty to start out with is the shaloshna, but I believe that can be overcome with proper protective gear—we can put together something that allows for more freedom of motion than the Hazmat suits, once we confirm that the spores carry the drug into the body through respiration and open cavities, which seems to be the case—or we can avoid the problem by determining when the flowers are a danger. The writings Daniel translated spoke of a flowering season, right Daniel?"

Sam turned to the teammate at her side. Daniel just stared at her, his blue eyes wide with disbelief, and didn't answer. Sam swallowed. "Teal'c?" she said, looking across the table again.

Teal'c looked at Sam, his face, so uncharacteristically expressive earlier, once again an unreadable mask. "Halokarem shal'opra," he said. "The time of the flowering."

"Yes, that's right," she said. "At any rate, I believe the dangers of the shaloshna can be dealt with."

Sam paused and took a deep breath. She found her teammates' stares unnerving, but she felt she'd be derelict in her duty if she didn't try and find a way to obtain the naquadah they needed in their fight against the Goa'uld.

"As for the people on the planet," she continued, "there is no evidence that they ever come out of the woods. Daniel was certain no one had lived on the planet for centuries..."

"Carter..." Jack warned.

Sam stopped and looked at the colonel and then at Daniel, who, if possible, appeared even more pale and haunted than he had moments before.

Crap, Sam thought. She stumbled over her words a little. "I mean there were absolutely no signs..."

"None that I saw," Daniel said quietly, looking down at the table. "It doesn't mean that they weren't there."

"Not your fault, Daniel," Jack said.

"No?" Daniel asked, looking up. "I mean, I was obviously wrong, wasn't I? There was still a whole civilization on that "dead" planet. And the people there knew we had come through the Stargate. Did they see that from the woods, or were they watching from the fields when the Gate lit up? I could have gotten us all killed."

"Daniel," Sam said, "I didn't mean..."

General Hammond cleared his throat and said, "So we are not certain if the indigenous people come into the fields where the naquadah can be found, although the evidence we have shows that if they do venture into the fields, it is not often or in great numbers, is that correct, Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "Yes, that is probably right," he said, finally.

Hammond continued. "Then our options would be to negotiate with the people of the planet, or to post guards and mine without permission and hope the people don't object. Obviously the second course of action violates our policy, so the first seems the better option. Dr. Jackson, you stated in your report that the people of the planet have a community and rules and traditions that they live by. Does this indicate to you that negotiations are a possibility?"

"I don't know," Daniel said. "Yes, no..." He stopped and exhaled noisily. "Yes, theoretically we could talk to them, if we could get close enough, and if we could overcome their fear. I'd have to know a lot more about their culture. I'd have to spend more time studying..." Daniel stopped midsentence, silently following his train of thought to its only logical conclusion, then looked up again, his eyes as bleak as they had been after hearing Teal'c's version of events the day before.

"Exactly what is it you're asking me to do, General?" he asked.

"Nothing, Daniel" Jack said abruptly. "He's not asking you to do anything, isn't that right, General?" Jack looked General Hammond in the eye. The general looked back at his second-in-command, not speaking, then looked toward Daniel again.

"Colonel O'Neill is right, Dr. Jackson," he said. "I am only asking for your evaluation, nothing more."

Daniel looked at Jack and at General Hammond and shook his head slightly. He and everyone else there except for perhaps Diohnet knew that there was no one else qualified to negotiate with a people whose language was derived from Latin and Goa'uld.

"Look," he said, his voice filled with weariness, "it doesn't matter what we do—whether we try to negotiate with the people of the planet or try to mine the planet without their permission. The false Jaffa aren't the problem and even the shaloshna is not the problem. It's the forest gods or energy beings or whatever those things are. We can't negotiate with them. We can't fight or steal from them. We would be insane to go back to that planet."

"I concur with DanielJackson," Teal'c said suddenly. "We have no weapons with which to fight such beings."

Daniel looked at Teal'c with gratitude and Teal'c nodded solemnly back.

Hammond turned toward the two Tok'ra. "Diohnet, Selmak, you heard the descriptions yesterday of the shadows that attacked Dr. Jackson and the 'lights' that healed him. Have you had an opportunity to consider who or what those beings are? Is there anything you can add?"

Diohnet spoke for both the Tok'ra. "We have heard stories of similar beings but can not yet confirm that these are the same. Nothing in Jolinar's or Chanra's testimony about the planet you refer to as PX3-8421 indicates that they were aware of such beings on the planet. They were not there for long, however, and were forced to flee when the shaloshna began to affect their ability to coexist with their hosts. We will study any records we have of energy beings such as the ones your people describe, and if we are able, we will turn over any information we find to you. At this time, however, we can not say with certainty that the beings would not endanger your teams."

Sam drew in a deep breath. She wasn't quite ready to give up—she, of course, had considered the "evil spirits" as well.

"Daniel," she said, "aren't those beings referred to as 'forest' gods? If they came out of the forest and attacked people, how could the first Romans transplanted by the Goa'uld have built their city and developed such a sophisticated civilization for so long? It stands to reason that they can't or don't leave the forest. And Daniel, you know I'm no expert, but wouldn't that explain why the warnings are on the wall of the temple near the woods?"

Sam stopped, prepared for Daniel, Colonel O'Neill or Teal'c to attack. When Daniel answered, though, he spoke tiredly but without anger or condescension.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Daniel said, "but we don't know enough to say that. The writings I found were only a tiny portion of what must have been there originally. Maybe there are some things that bring the shadows and the lights out of the woods. Maybe the Goa'uld left not just because of the shaloshna, but because those shadows stopped them from mining the naquadah somehow. And we have no idea how our presence on that planet, how my not being sacrificed... completely... changed the normal order of things. Maybe..."

"The point is, General," Jack interrupted, "we don't know or understand enough about those things to risk sending a team back there. And with all due respect to you, General, and to Major Carter"—Jack saw Sam wince at his formality—"and I do mean respect, Carter," he said, softening his words a little, "if you had seen and felt what we did, you would not even be considering any action but locking those coordinates out."

"Major?" General Hammond asked.

"I've said my piece, sir," Sam said.

"Anyone else?" he asked.

When no one spoke, the general said, "Very well. I will recommend to the President that we not send any personnel back to PX3-8421 at this time. However, I will not remove the address from the dialing computer, since I am hopeful that we may obtain information in the future from the Tok'ra or our own investigations that will shed some light on the energy beings you encountered.

"SG-1, you all have three days' leave and are on stand down until Dr. Jackson has recovered from his injuries. I would like full reports from each of you by the end of the week. Teal'c, I assume you would like to stay and speak with Diohnet?"

"Yes, General Hammond. I have several questions."

"Diohnet?" Hammond asked.

"That is acceptable, General Hammond," the Tok'ra replied.

"All right. Thank you, people. You are dismissed."

Chapter 16

Sam

Sam heard a noise and looked up from her computer screen. Colonel O'Neill stood in the doorway, and she'd never seen him look so angry. Strangely, he was wearing his dress uniform. She stood up quickly. "Colonel, sir!" she said and snapped off a salute.

The colonel didn't move or return her salute. "What the hell were you thinking, Major?" he growled.

"Sir?" she said.

"Oh, playing dumb, now, are we, Major? It doesn't suit you."

"Sir, I'm sorry, sir, I really don't know what you mean," she stammered.

"You left us there! You deserted your team. Could you hear Daniel's screams, Major? Is that why you ran?"

"No, sir, no! I would never desert the team. I didn't run. I didn't. Colonel, you know me..."

"Do I, Major? I used to think so. Now I think you're a disgrace to that uniform" Jack spat, and then he was gone.

Sam looked down at her uniform and was surprised to see that she was wearing an orange Hazmat suit. When she looked up again, she wasn't in her lab but back on PX3-8421, by the Stargate. The flowers were rippling peacefully in the wind. She looked around for her teammates, but she was alone. She raised her P-90, which she hadn't even realized she held. Something wasn't right.

There it was. A small sound, like a moan, coming from behind the Stargate. Sam clutched her weapon more tightly and stepped carefully to the other side of the Gate, but there was nothing, no one hidden behind the raised platform. Then she heard a battle cry and was grabbed from behind. A Jaffa she'd never seen before lifted her bodily off the ground and crushed her against the Gate. She kicked back and heard him grunt and fall, and she spun around to finish him off, but he was gone. Instead, the air was suddenly pierced with screams of fear and pain, and the fields, empty before, were now a city, filled with terrified men and women doing battle with Jaffa, who rampaged through the streets, maiming and killing, dragging women and small children into darkened buildings.

Sam clutched her head and closed her eyes. No, she thought, this isn't real. These are Jolinar's memories. I can make them stop!

And then it was quiet. Sam opened her eyes, and she was in the fields again behind the Stargate, no one else in sight. The sun shone brightly in the blue-green sky. Sam breathed a sigh of relief. It had all been a dream. All of it. She noticed that she was wearing her BDUs now, and that felt right. She smiled, turned and headed for the DHD on the other side of the Gate. Everything was fine. Teal'c, Jack and Daniel stood with their backs to her, looking across the fields.

"C'mon, guys, let's go home," she said. When they didn't move, she said, "Colonel? Is there a problem?"

The three men turned slowly, and Sam wanted to cry out, but she felt frozen in place. Teal'c glared at her, his eyes red and his hands bloody. Colonel O'Neill's face was bruised and beaten, more blood dripping from a gash over his eye, and he had one arm wrapped tightly around Daniel, who sagged against him, his head drooping forward, looking more dead than alive.

"A problem, Carter?" Jack said coldly. "Why would there be a problem?"

Sam opened her eyes to the bright lights of her lab. Her head was resting in her arms, where she'd fallen asleep on her keyboard. She straightened her back and looked around slowly, almost afraid of what she might see, but it was just her lab. No murderous Jaffa, no bloodied teammates. She raised her hand to brush some hair from her eyes, and she realized she was trembling. Sam took several slow, deep breaths. "Pull yourself together," she told herself. "It was just a dream."

But then she remembered the looks on the faces of her teammates as she talked in the briefing room. Daniel's wide blue eyes, Teal'c's unreadable stare, Jack's unmistakable look of... betrayal.

Damn it.

Sam knew sleep wouldn't come again that night, so she got up to wander the quiet late-night halls of the SGC.

Jack

Jack lay awake in his on-base quarters, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't get the last debriefing out of his mind, and he felt another rare stab of irritation at George Hammond. What was the general thinking even considering sending a team back to that planet after hearing what had happened there? Jack didn't care how much pressure the man was getting; did he think Jack would have recommended locking the planet out if he wasn't damn sure they shouldn't set foot there again? And Carter. How could she have... Jack pushed thoughts of his second-in-command away. He couldn't think about that now. No doubt Hammond had asked her for alternatives, and Carter had simply done her job.

Jack turned on his side and punched his pillow. Maybe he should have gone home after all, but he couldn't bring himself to leave while Daniel was still stuck on base and while Teal'c was... acting so unlike Teal'c. He hoped Carter had at least gone home, but he suspected that if he went to look, he would find her in her lab, hiding from her demons behind a thousand equations. His team members were hurting, and he wasn't sure how to fix it this time.

He closed his eyes, willing sleep to come, but his mind still raced. He looked at the clock: 0223. Ah, who was he kidding? Insomnia had him in its grasp and was not letting go. And truth be told, sleeping hadn't been a barrel of laughs lately anyway. His dreams were filled with dark visions, from PX3-8421 and from a dozen other fubar missions from his past, all coming together in one horrific tableau.

He shuddered as he thought of the dream that had shocked him out of his sleep the night before. He'd been in the prison in Iraq, scared to death, Daniel's screams in the background. Searching for his teammate, he walked past cell after cell of men and women he'd served with over the years, all of them dead. A sound came from behind, and he spun around with a sword in his hand, the ceremonial one from the planet. Before he could stop himself, he'd thrust his hand out and run Teal'c through. Blood poured from his friend's mouth, and his red-rimmed eyes dimmed. "Why, O'Neill?" the big Jaffa had said, before dropping to his knees and falling to his side, still impaled on the sword. "Why?"

Not a good dream.

It didn't help to know that it could have happened that way, that he could have been forced to kill one team member—one friend—to save another.

Jack sighed. "Good work, O'Neill," he thought. "You're never getting to sleep now." He rolled out of bed and grabbed his clothes from the dresser, dressing quickly. He opened his door to the empty hallway and headed for the commissary, wishing for a stiff drink but knowing he'd have to be satisfied with stale coffee and maybe a stray piece of cake.

He could sleep tomorrow. Maybe.

Daniel

Daniel pulled Sha're closer to him as he kissed her. Oh, he had missed this. He put his arms around her, reveling in her warmth, and she kissed him back deeply, reaching up to grasp the back of his head as she wrapped her legs around him. Ah, Sha're.

He thought, for perhaps the thousandth time, that he must surely be the luckiest man on Abydos.

Then he felt a strange shifting in his skull under his wife's hand, and she pulled her lips from his and whimpered slightly.

"Dan'yel?" she asked, fear in her voice.

She brought her hand from around his head, holding a bloody piece of his scalp in her grasp. He blinked in confusion and put his hand to the back of his head, feeling nothing but emptiness beneath his fingers.

Sha're unwrapped herself from his body and pushed away, her eyes wide. "No, Sha're," he said, reaching his now bloody hand out to stop her. She stumbled backward, and he grabbed her arm to steady her, but she kept falling, taking his own hand and arm with her as it ripped from his body. His severed limb hung there for a moment, the fingers still clutching her arm, before falling uselessly to the ground, and they both stared at it in horror.

"Who are you?" Sha're demanded, her voice trembling as she scrambled backward. "What have you done with my Dan'yel?"

Daniel reached toward her with his other arm, pleading, "It's me, Sha're. It's Daniel. I'm still Daniel!"

"No!" Sha're shouted and then started to scream.

Daniel woke up crying. "I'm me," he heard himself say. "It's me, Sha're. Don't leave me!"

He opened his eyes to his sterile quarters at the SGC. "Sha're," he whispered again as her image faded with the dream.

Daniel sat up and slid backward until he leaned against the headboard. He wrapped his arms around his knees and shivered. God, that was so real. He unconsciously reached his hand up to feel the back of his head, then stopped himself when he realized what he was doing. He gave a small, mirthless laugh, and put his hand back down.

He could feel the ache coming back to his bones and looked at the clock to see if enough time had passed for him to take more pain meds. No, hours to go yet. Damn! He hated himself for being weak enough to want the pills, but Janet had patiently explained that chronic pain, even if not severe, could interfere with his recovery. And later Jack had said, less patiently, "Daniel, just be glad that some of your pain can be dealt with this easily and take the damn pills, O.K.?"

Daniel reached for the Tylenol instead, and popped two of the pills dry. As he did, he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He looked toward the end of the bed and saw the shadows shift. He stared, not believing his eyes, and saw the shadows swirl about and come toward him. "Oh, God," he thought, "They're here."

He jumped off the bed, heading for the door and the alarm, but the shadows were too fast for him. He felt the cold, sickly feeling of them seeping into his skin. Oh, God, oh, God, not again. It couldn't be happening again. He batted at the shadows with his hands and threw himself backward, and his head connected sharply with the dresser, almost stunning him. He gasped in pain and looked around in a panic, but the shadows were... gone.

How... what? Oh, crap, a flashback, just a stupid, damned flashback.

Daniel was shaking all over, the sweat pouring from his skin. He wanted to curl up in a little ball on the floor, but he forced himself to stand and walk to the small bathroom. He peeled off his boxers and tee-shirt, turned the shower on full-blast, cold, and stepped in, the shock of the water chasing the visions from his head. He adjusted the temperature, then, and let the water stream over him until the shaking stopped and he could take a calm breath.

He stepped out and toweled himself dry. He reached up to touch the side of his head, gingerly, and felt the bump. Ow. That was all he needed. Something else that hurt. He laughed a little. Now this is a dilemma, he thought. Go to sleep and have another nightmare, or stay awake and have another flashback.

Or Plan C. There was something he'd been putting off, and the night definitely could not get any worse. And maybe, just maybe, this would help.

Teal'c

Teal'c felt ill. He knew if he did not Kel'no'reem soon, for more than the few hours he had achieved, he would not be able to function, and he knew, further, that eventually he would die. Dr. Fraiser had offered various Tau're medications that she said might help his anxiety and allow him to meditate, but he had refused. He did not believe these medicines would be affective and, further, he did not wish to "relax." It was just this that he wished to avoid. He could not relax, for if he did, he feared, his prim'ta might find a way to control him again. Thus, each time he began to enter the deep state of meditation necessary for his survival, he would feel a moment of panic and would jolt himself into complete wakefulness.

Teal'c knew his fear might be irrational. Diohnet had explained that once the shaloshna had dissipated, the Tok'ra had never, over hundreds of years, suffered a recurrence of the symptoms. Yet, the Tok'ra were not Jaffa, and how could they be sure of the same outcome in his case? The Tok'ra did not experience the anger, hatred and love of violence of the Goa'uld symbiote gone mad. They had, instead, experienced confusion, extreme arrogance and a lack of empathy. Their hosts had been protected from the effects of the drug by the Tok'ra symbiote even as the symbiotes themselves were driven insane, and the hosts had managed to get them through the Gate to safety before they lost what little control they apparently had.

This had not been his experience, and Diohnet and Selmak admitted that they had no details on what had become of the Jaffa who had massacred the population of the planet.

Teal'c would rather die than turn into what he became there. He would not again be what he despised, and he would not again harm those he cared for. He blew out the candles surrounding him but continued to sit in the dark. Perhaps Master Bra'tac would have a solution; he would request that his old friend be contacted the next day.

If not, Teal'c was ready to accept the fatal alternative.

Chapter 17

Jack leaned back against the wall of the elevator as it headed for the commissary level. He'd seen only one airman walking the halls since he left his quarters. Although he couldn't help but associate this time of night with insomnia, he had to admit he did like the quiet. It was the only time that the SGC was calm, and he could pretend for a minute that all was well with the universe.

The elevator stopped, and he moved to get off but realized he wasn't at the right level. The doors opened and a bleary-eyed Carter stood there blinking at him. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again.

"Sir?" she said.

"Carter." he answered. "You planning on getting on, or were you just playing with the buttons?"

"Um, no, sir. I mean, yes, sir," Carter answered, and stepped onto the elevator.

"Level?" he asked when she didn't push a button.

"Uh, I don't know. I was just... wandering, sir. The Gateroom, I guess, sir."

Jack raised an eyebrow but pushed the right button. They stood in awkward silence as Sam studiously avoided looking in his direction.

Jack sighed. "Carter," he said.

"Yes, sir?"

"Come with me to the commissary."

"Is that an order, sir?"

"What? No. Of course not. I'm asking you to come to the commissary with me and share some bad coffee. We need to..." Jack paused, not wanting to put Sam on the defensive again. "I think we need to talk."

Sam looked down, and Jack thought he saw some shame on her face. "Yes, sir," she said, resignedly, as if he'd asked her to face a firing squad.

Jack sighed again. This was not going to be easy. The fact was, he was a little angry at Carter. Why had she gone outside the chain of command and talked to Hammond about her theories before she talked to him? He'd been blindsided in that meeting, really stunned, in fact, that she was suggesting a return to PX-whatever. And Daniel and Teal'c... he would have at least liked to warn them. What Daniel must have felt when he realized that Hammond was considering not only sending another SGC team to the hellish place, but that he might be asked to go back...

"Good, that's good, Carter," was all he said for now, though. "Maybe we can find some cake, too."

"Yes, sir," Sam said again, but this time he thought he saw a shadow of a smile on her face.

The doors opened and they stepped out. The commissary was, not surprisingly, almost empty. Three of the members of SG-12 sat at a table in the corner, looking ragged. Jack knew they'd returned earlier that evening from a grueling three-day mission to explore a hot, dusty planet with nothing to recommend it but bits and pieces of Goa'uld technology scattered over three square miles, the result of a long-ago explosion or crash. Under any other circumstances, Carter would have been salivating to see what they'd turned up, but she merely glanced at the men distractedly as she poured her coffee.

Jack poured himself a cup as well and joined her at a table well away from the others. He grimaced slightly as he sipped the bad brew and for a moment studied his second-in-command, who was staring at her coffee and not drinking. She was exhausted, which was understandable, given that it was almost three in the morning, but she also looked almost beaten down. He figured that for Carter, who was one of the most resilient people he knew, to look that way, she must have done quite a number on herself already. He really needed to tread lightly here.

"So, Carter," he said, "how're you holding up?"

Sam gave him a half-hearted smile. "I'm fine, sir."

"Carter," Jack said, a little impatiently, "you're on leave, you're on the base and you're wandering aimlessly at 02something in the morning. That does not sound 'fine' to me."

Sam looked at him, blue eyes unreadable, and looked down again.

"No, sir," was all she said.

"Care to share, Carter?" he said.

Sam drew in a deep breath. "I screwed up, sir. I really screwed up. You warned us about the spores, but I didn't take enough precautions. Instead of getting help, I was getting high. I was staring at the sunset while you, Daniel and Teal'c were going through... what you went through. And I'm sorry if you felt betrayed by me in the briefing today, sir. I'm sorry. But I just thought we needed to take something good from the mission, something that might make up for some of the pain. I wasn't being disloyal, sir, and, God, I wasn't trying to hurt Daniel, you know that, but I really thought—maybe still think—there must be some way to get the naquadah, without unnecessarily endangering the teams. But I screwed that up too, I know. I should have told you what I was thinking, and I should have been more careful not to... not to... God, sir, the look on Daniel's face. How can he blame himself?"

Jack stared at Sam. Don't hold anything back on my account, was what he wanted to say, even though he had asked for it, but instead he stood up. "Uh," he said, "this calls for some cake, I think. Chocolate cake. I see one more piece over there."

Sam stared back at him, open-mouthed, as he walked across to the glass refrigerator and pulled out the piece of cake. He grabbed two forks and walked casually back to the table. He narrowed his eyes at the three men at the other table, who had stopped talking and were looking in their direction, and they quickly went back to their conversation.

He sat down and handed Sam a fork. "First of all," he began, having gathered his thoughts, "you did not screw up on that planet. Ah, Carter, don't interrupt. You covered your face and made your way back to the Gate as quickly as humanly possible. I didn't notice a gas mask or an oxygen tank in your pack, Carter, so I don't see what else you could have humanly done in the time and with the equipment you had. If anyone screwed up, Carter, it was me. I should have had us off that planet as soon as Daniel mentioned that he thought the flowers might contain some kind of hallucinogen."

"There's no way you could have known, sir," Sam said.

"It's my job to know, Carter. We had evidence of an alien plant that could impair our ability to function. That should have been enough. And as for the other thing," Jack continued, then hesitated. "As for the other thing, yes, Carter, you should have come to me with your theories about retrieving the naquadah. Even if you disagree that it was protocol to inform your team leader, didn't you think that you owed it to Daniel and Teal'c to let them know what you were going to suggest before springing it on them?"

"Yes, sir," Carter said simply.

"So, why didn't you come to me first?"

"I knew you would try to talk me out of it, sir, and that nothing I said would change your mind."

"Damn straight, Carter," he started, feeling the anger again. He stopped and took a breath. "I'm sorry. Yes, Carter, I would have tried to talk you out of it. If you had seen Daniel hanging on that post, if you had felt the ice of those things seeping into your body... I would think you trusted me enough by now to know that I would not lightly pass up any tool to fight the Goa'uld."

"Of course I trust you, sir! You know that. I trust you... but I don't always agree with you. I knew what a nightmare you all had lived through, and I know you would do anything to protect your team, to protect us. Given the information we have, I thought there might be some way to complete the mission and protect the SG teams. I really think it was my... duty to explore all the options. You've always said that's what you wanted, sir. You want your team members to say what's on their minds."

Jack thought about that. Was that what this was all about? Was he angry that Carter had challenged him? Was it an ego thing? He didn't think so.

"Yes, Carter," he said, "I do want you to challenge my point of view. I do want you to speak your mind. You've saved our collective asses over and over doing just that. But you never spoke to me at all about this!"

Sam just looked at Jack, obviously biting back the words she meant to say.

"O.K.," he admitted. "I might not have been too receptive this time. There would have been... yelling. But you've never let that stop you, Carter, and I'm asking you not to let that stop you again. When you went around me, you left Teal'c and Daniel hanging. I mean, Teal'c is so freaked out by what happened that he had to do his best First Prime imitation in the debriefing..."

"What?" interrupted Sam. "When?"

" 'I understand your caution and am gratified by the restoration of your trust, General Hammond,' " Jack intoned, capturing Teal'c's voice almost perfectly.

"Oh," Sam said.

"Yeah, well, obviously his years of serving false gods gave him a lot of practice saying the right thing under pressure," Jack said. He paused a beat, trying to pick up his train of thought.

"And Daniel, Carter," he went on. "I could have warned you that Daniel feels guilty about not seeing signs of life on the planet. He's Daniel, for God's sake. I know, I know, you didn't mean to imply what you did, but what else was Daniel supposed to think? And on that subject, did you not bother to connect the dots and see that if we negotiated for the naquadah, it would have to be Daniel doing the negotiating? I know you don't think we should send Daniel back there."

"No, sir, of course not! I wasn't even sure we'd have to negotiate, given the naquadah's location, and both you and General Hammond said Daniel wouldn't..."

"Carter," Jack said, "who else do we have who can communicate with a people who speak Latin and Goa'uld? And even if Daniel could teach someone in any reasonable amount of time, do you really think Daniel would let someone go in his place?"

Sam's shoulders slumped, and she looked even more tired than before, if that was possible. "I'll speak to him tomorrow, sir," she said. "I would never recommend anything that would require Daniel to go back there. He has to know that."

Jack smiled. "He knows that, Carter, but I'm sure he'd be glad to hear it from you."

Sam nodded and looked at the cake, which still sat untouched on the table. She reached out with her fork. "You think this is still edible?" she asked.

"Only one way to find out," Jack said, picking up his fork too.

They sat companionably for a moment, munching on the cake.

"There is one more thing, though, Carter, since you brought it up," Jack said.

Sam's face fell. There was more?

"About that sunset," Jack continued, before sticking another forkful of cake in his mouth. "How was your first psychedelic experience? If I've pegged you right, you weren't exactly the type to experiment with recreational drugs in the past..."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Apart from reliving Jolinar's memories of a massacre and hating myself for not being able to pull myself together to help the team, sir?"

Jack swallowed his cake and gave her a guilty look. "Sorry, Carter, I was just trying to..."

"It's O.K., sir. I know what you were trying to do. To tell you the truth, except for the pretty sunset and shooting stars, I found it really... boring."

Jack let out a short bark of a laugh. "Boring?"

"I knew you'd enjoy that, sir," Sam said, smiling a little.

Jack smiled back.

"Ach, eat your cake, Major," he said, "before it gets any harder."

Chapter 18

Daniel hesitated in the quiet, gray corridor outside Teal'c's door. A lone Marine walked by and stared at him curiously but didn't say anything. Daniel raised his fist to knock, then lowered it again. Maybe this had been a mistake.

It certainly wasn't the first time he'd wandered by Teal'c's quarters in the early hours before dawn, hoping to join the Jaffa in Kel'no'reem or simply to talk. Teal'c never seemed to mind, and Daniel found his presence calming after he'd had a particularly rough night. And this had definitely been a rough one.

Yet that was before they'd lived the nightmare of PX3-8421. Daniel had waited too long to talk to Teal'c, and he feared that his friend had noticed his reluctance and mistaken it for something else. Teal'c was obviously hurting as much if not more than he was, and he felt a stab of guilt for not being there for him. Sam had told them that he had been having trouble reaching a state of Kel'no'reem, and judging from the way the Jaffa had looked in the debriefing that afternoon, he still hadn't been successful. Daniel would understand if Teal'c chose not to talk to him now.

Daniel sighed and turned to leave. What had he been thinking, coming to try to make things right with Teal'c in the middle of the night? He'd wait till morning. In the meantime, he'd head to his office and find some work to distract himself, to forget his nightmare, to bury the panic he felt every time he thought of that afternoon's debriefing. Before he took a step, however, the door opened and there was Teal'c. Daniel saw that the room behind him was dark, and he caught the faint whiff of extinguished candles. He hoped that meant that his friend had finally been able to meditate, but seeing the exhaustion around Teal'c's eyes, Daniel was pretty sure he hadn't. Daniel chided himself again for not checking on Teal'c before this.

"Teal'c," he said. "Am I disturbing you?"

"No. On the contrary. I am pleased to see you, DanielJackson," Teal'c replied. He swung the door open father and stood aside to let Daniel in, then walked across the room to turn on the small table lamp against the far wall. He gestured for Daniel to take a seat on the thick red-and-gold-colored cushions on the floor, then sat himself. Daniel stiffly lowered himself to the ground, trying not to grimace from the pain.

Teal'c looked at him searchingly. "Is the pain interfering with your sleep, DanielJackson?"

"No," Daniel replied. "not the pain. Not exactly... Did you have a restful Kel'no'reem?"

"I did not," Teal'c said, and then they were both silent.

"Teal'c," Daniel began suddenly, "I'm sorry that I..."

"DanielJackson," Teal'c said at the same time, "I must apologize..."

Daniel stopped and gestured for Teal'c to continue.

"I regret that I have not apologized to you before now for my actions on PX3-8421. I have done you grave harm, and I will accept any penance you deem necessary," he said.

"You didn't hurt me, Teal'c," Daniel said.

"I allowed you to suffer without taking action. You were forced to watch me injure and try to kill O'Neill, and I was only a moment away from murdering you. Is all this not true?"

Daniel forced himself to look steadily at his friend as the memories of Teal'c's murderous rampage flashed through his mind. "None of that was your fault, Teal'c. You never would have done any of those things if your symbiote had not been affected by the shaloshna. You can't blame yourself."

"My hand held the sword, DanielJackson. I was not strong enough to fight the evil within me, and in that I failed both you and O'Neill."

"Teal'c," Daniel said in exasperation, "we've all been affected by alien viruses, beings or technology since we've been traveling through the Gate. Do you think Jack would have attacked me if he weren't infected with the virus from the Land of Light? Could Sam keep Jolinar from controlling her? And on Shyla's planet..." Daniel stopped, not wanting to bring up his sarcophagus addiction, since he believed that really was his fault. "Anyway, Teal'c, how is what happened to you any different?"

"Do you not believe we should take responsibility for our own actions, DanielJackson?"

"Yes, most of the time, of course I do. But there are some things beyond our control," Daniel replied. "What you did under the influence of the shaloshna was beyond your control."

"Perhaps," Teal'c conceded. "However..." Tea'lc paused, seeming to struggle with what he wanted to say next. "However... my situation is not the same. You are free of your sarcophagus addiction, there was a cure for the Touched virus and Jolinar is no more."

"And the shaloshna is no longer in your system, Teal'c," Daniel said.

"That may be true. The evil, however, remains, and from that I shall never be free. I have fought hard for the freedom of my people, and I now realize that that freedom is an illusion. We may not serve false gods, but we shall always be slaves to the infant Goa'uld we carry."

Daniel shivered a little and closed his eyes. He realized that the dry wind blowing through his soul was not his alone. Teal'c had escaped from the planet with his life, but his very reason for being had been stolen from him. Daniel opened his eyes again and stared sadly at his friend.

"Teal'c," he said, finally, "you can't think that way. Yes, you need your prim'ta to survive, but you still have free will. That is what makes us free—our ability to choose our path."

"I did not have free will on PX3-8421, DanielJackson. My will was twisted until it was no longer my own."

"But that was because of the drug, Teal'c. It's over now."

Teal'c remained silent. Daniel looked at him quizzically until the realization hit him.

"You don't think it's over," he said. "You think it might happen again."

Teal'c's continued silence was answer enough.

"Didn't the Tok'ra say the effects of the shaloshna would not recur?" Daniel asked.

"Diohnet stated that Jolinar and Chanra never suffered a recurrence."

"And you are not sure that the same would be true for a Jaffa?"

"I am not."

"And that is why you can't Kel'no'reem," Daniel said. "You fear that your symbiote will take control again while you meditate."

"I do. And I must not let that happen," Teal'c agreed.

"But, Teal'c, if you don't Kel'no'reem, you will die."

Teal'c simply nodded.

Daniel took a moment to gather his thoughts, then began again. "Teal'c," he said, "the people on the planet—the false Jaffa—I believe they are descendants of both Jaffa and humans, and I believe that parts of their culture, including their language and the false tattoos, indicate that they revere the old Jaffa ways and that the two groups lived in peace. If the Jaffa who fled into the forest continued to be affected by the shaloshna even after it left their systems, I don't believe that culture would have arisen."

"You are persuasive as always, DanielJackson," Teal'c said, "but I am not willing to risk even the small chance that your theory is incorrect. I cannot."

Daniel shifted uncomfortably on the cushions as he stared at his friend. "Teal'c," he said finally, "do you trust me?"

"I do, DanielJackson. I trust you with my life."

"Then let me watch you while you Kel'no'reem. I am sure that your symbiote will not be able to control you without the shaloshna, but if I see that you are changing, if I see the red around your eyes, I promise I will get help before you have a chance to do any harm."

"I cannot let you do that, DanielJackson. If you are not fast enough, I may injure you or worse."

"Please, Teal'c. You told me that you would perform any penance I asked. This is what I am asking: that you trust me enough to let me help you."

Teal'c looked into Daniel's eyes and saw the certainty there.

"You need your rest as well, DanielJackson. You have not yet recovered your strength."

"I'll rest tomorrow, Teal'c. If I don't sleep, I'll be tired. If you don't Kel'no'reem, you'll die."

Teal'c hesitated and then said, "You will sit by the door."

"Yes," Daniel said.

Teal'c stood up and walked to the dresser. "And you will hold this," he said, pulling something from the top drawer. Teal'c turned and showed the zat'ni'katel in his hand.

"Uh," Daniel said, "Teal'c, you know we're not supposed to keep weapons in our rooms."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and waited without saying a word.

"O.K.," Daniel gave in. "I'll sit by the door and hold the zat."

"And you will not hesitate to shoot."

"No, no, I promise. I will zat you without a moment's thought," Daniel said.

Teal'c waited.

"Yes, Teal'c. I'm sorry. I will be ready to shoot if I need to."

Teal'c handed Daniel the zat and held out his hand to help him up. Daniel rose stiffly and moved to some cushions by the door. Teal'c began to light the candles placed around the room, and then he sat, cross-legged, and stared straight ahead.

Without looking at Daniel, he said, "It is not you I don't trust, DanielJackson. It is myself."

"I know that Teal'c. Just try to trust that it will be O.K. and... just know that I've got your back, Teal'c, always."

Teal'c gave a solemn nod and closed his eyes. "I will trust in that, DanielJackson."

Daniel leaned back against the wall with the zat in his lap. He watched as Teal'c tried to relax into his meditation. It was taking longer than usual, but very gradually Teal'c's breathing slowed and his stiff posture became subtly more natural. Daniel smiled a little, pleased that he could help his friend. He was so, so tired, but for the first time in days, he almost felt right. The void in his heart was not quite so empty, the cold winds not so strong.

And maybe later, when Teal'c felt safe, they would meditate together, and Daniel too could begin to heal.

The End

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